Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
