If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
