she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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