Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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