her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Life is so much better after having sex.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
