I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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