Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Pooping to opera.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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