Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
