You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
