Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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