YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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