Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
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