never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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