Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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