Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
