Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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