Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
