omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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