i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Randomize
