Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
