nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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