I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
