someone get that fucking seahorse.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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