So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
i've created a new STD.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
