they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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