He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
