Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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