i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
