She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
