Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
3pm strippers are depressing
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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