I'm really into asian looking animals
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Are my feet made of real feet?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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