dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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