that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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