Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
