wrigley field is MILF paradise
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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