I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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