i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Randomize
