i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
