matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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