remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
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I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
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If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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