Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
After tacos, we're chasing women.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
