I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
