I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
