i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
