Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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