I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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