I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
