she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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