You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
