I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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