i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Randomize
