I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
my poor anus
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
