My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
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we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
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It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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