Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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