You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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