So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize