Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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