What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
