If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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