I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
