That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
