She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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