I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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