He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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