hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
