i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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