dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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