I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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