so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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