Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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