R you on birth control?
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
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I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
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I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?