I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
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Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
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And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
My penis needs a shock collar
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background