3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.