My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.