im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
25 People Confess The Most Awkward Situation They’ve Ever Been In
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
These Are 21 Of The Most Delusional People Ever
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?