hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity