toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
