I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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