The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
