Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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