i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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