You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
