i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
