I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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