Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
