I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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