its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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