Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Randomize
