girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
