sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
